First time

I believe everyone has an experience of their every first time's.
whether is their first time of staying home alone, first time of going cross the street without parental guides, first time of taking drugs, first time of sneaking out and coming back without busted, or first time of getting drunk because of best friend's farewell, first time of attending a relative's funeral ceremony, first time of...feeling defeated.

In this short 6 months, I have touched the taste of many of my first time's.
February--
First time to decide what I am for life and completed the application process myself.
March--
First time marching on the high way and expecting for the exciting challenge.
First time facing a bunch of strangers and acted like "yeah~this is just cool"
First time thinking- I will never chicken out- during the audition
First time hesitating why did I even think I was so sure
First time falling apart into pieces and never felt so screwed before
April--
First time struggling between myself and patience
First time realizing waiting can be such a pain
First time figuring out this was my limit
May--
First time penetrating my big cloud of pride and confidence
First time setting eyes on my lifeless self
First time being crashed down and feeling humiliated
First time comprehending the essence of studying in Chatham Hall...
First time of conceiving a different life from now on


*And start from the day after tomorrow, June 1st, I will have my other first time's , so will you.

what if

what if someone says you are not an artist but you live for being one
What if the whole world said you can't draw but you represent yourself to a paintbrush..
what if..
what if...
I really need someone too shake me up and dunk me into a cup of soap water
Life sucks
even though I don't know why I'm so low at this point.
Are those people turtles? or they are just scrubs that forgot how to move

"R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D "
is the word for the day
I wana rush into y'all's office and squirt acids on ur faces!!!!
ARGH@

(cont.)

so her name was Elizabeth. She's almost as tall as I am, but certainly she looks prettier under a slight makeup. Just like most of we asians do, she and I both stood in our corners and looked cautiously.
I didn't give her a glance because she was not revealing a friendly look.
According to her pieces of artwork, she's pretty much a tech person. Undoubtedly, her photographs were gorgeous. They were absolutely taken from a different perspective mixed with a little element of Asia culture. She purposely took two photo shots of the same objects and, perhaps, modified a little by photoshop.
Some of them are hilarious because she served them in other purposes besides a beautiful picture.
Many of the current VAs were attracted by her works and gave her lots of compliments. I, too walked by her stand and stopped for a long time.

The VA photographer started to walk around, he as far as I know was responsible for snapshotting all the interviewees and their "name tags."
There was an awkward moment when he came by my stand and asked me for holding my name tag with me. I didn't really know whether I should smile or give the camera an emotionless look.
I smiled at last, but it was a involuntary one since I wasn't ready for the shoot at all.

He then wandered away, and Zac came up to me.
In his very timid way, he asked me which one of my works am I gonna get up. Then he told me his favorite among my works. (It was a weird one! but lots of american said the same thing)
He glanced at my Van Gogh chair then said, "That's totally a Van Gogh painting," I was thinking, omg! good one! "he's one of my favorite artists :)"
I laughed, because we were so similar...

So another boredom flowed into me and I just stood there and tried to fabricate anything, just anything I could talk about my piece..... (shouldn't really use the word "fabricate" ..but that's what happened and that's the reason led to my failure..)

Mr. Shelnutt had finally spoken; he gathered every interviewee and guided us to sit in the first row of chairs, and then parents at the back.
YEAH, right..just like I thought, he started his conversable introduction.
And blah~and blah~ blahblahblah.....during this introduction, I figured it out:

1. 11 in-stake students are in the room
2. The school actually needs more out-of-stake students since the majority of the funds come
from the government

*To be continued :) *

27th of March..

I can't help but start recalling what had happened on 27th of March.
If you're thinking about what happened in this day, then yes, it was my very critical audition.

Everything started out chaotically. I didn't seem to realize that i was slightly, just about like 3 minutes, behind the schedule than others were.
Mr.N, wow he was too amazing to not even take a peek at me. I couldn't figure it out why at the moment since I had a bleeding finger which caused by the sharp edges of my portfolio cases.
Panic, worries, doubts were all written on my face.
And that Mr.N just gave me another shot of uncertainty....something that would make you feel like, "What are you doing here, pal?"
After a long explanation from him (not for me, but another audition guy who is as old as i am), we eventually decided to walk all the way up to the studio by ourselves.
Zac, I was fortunately enough to remember his name, held a door for me. Then, we exchanged a smile.
I totally suspect his nervousness; also, he's merely as shy as i am (not literally, but at least at that point we were).
So we walked up the hill and entered the studio. The director was already there with a bunch of VAs and the interviewees.
As we entered, I saw the room in turmoil. Interviewees were fighting for easels, parents were walking around trying to help their kids out, and some people just wandered around the room and sought for collegues or companies.

I quickly scanned through the room. Hmm....one asian looking girl but not entirely asian.
And that's it. Every other ones, as I expected, come from either North or South Carolina.
They are just totally benefited from the school. and I, as an international, seems totally out of state.
The asian looking girl, with a natural curl black hair and big glimmering eyes, looked extroadinarily innocent in a white pleated dress. Her name was Elizabeth.
Her portfolio spot was 5 feet away from mine. Due to the person next to my spot was always absence, she and I looked more like standing next to each other.

*To be continued..*

Run Run Run!!!

For some of you may know, I have the intention of joining crosscountry!
it is a BIG challenge because it requires so much determination and energy. Of course, the winner would be the one who holds up to the last minute of the game.
Even if I'm not certain of my capability for this neverending training, I do hope I can at least make it half of it through. [ Just half of it would be enough .. :'']
I'm not a fan of building up big muscles, no need to say to make myself look like a little giant.
it grosses me.
But i'm afraid if there was such a neccessity for me to accomplish the mission :S ... oH no..

a combination of artist and athlete...? hahaha Please. Don't even try to picture it.

On the other hand, my rash is getting much better! :*)! phew~ I worried so much about its everlasting expansion afterall.
really have to thank Tomoka though, her "shinning" ointment (haha) : D really worked!


Oops, someone just get kicked out ....this school is slowing being dispatched by itself :-
not anything pleasant, but I guess now Dr.Fountain has a much faithful declaration of dragging me down..D= oh nonono